new every morning

There are things that are true whether I like it or not. When I’m grumpy, or sad (like during this week…ok, well maybe this whole month), I don’t like to be reminded of these things. That’s easy for you to say, I think.

Sometimes I remember to ask for help, a la Anne Lamott. Help, I say to God. I definitely need some help with this. Sometimes I feel the need to add an exclamation point to my request.

I come back later and say – anytime now would be great.

It’s not always quick. It’s almost certainly not going to be what I want to hear. So, I ignore it. I’m sure you weren’t talking to me, I say. And then (also, straight from Annie) God starts acting like a jack in the box, popping up all over the place with the same message.

This time the message was, in it’s various forms, count your blessings. Remember what you’re grateful for. And, in possibly it’s strangest interpretation, look for Easter eggs in your life.

Easter eggs? It’s August in Arkansas. Candy, chocolate, or a hard-boiled version of the real thing would die a quick and painful death this time of year. As, it would seem, any attempt at the metaphorical equivalent. Good thoughts, helpful thoughts, are dashed against the brick wall of my cynicism before they even have a chance to hatch, to look out at the day.

But you have to keep trying, it’s either that or roll over and succumb. Sometimes you can feel the choice that clearly, can’t you? Like, I could choose to go over the edge right now – and maybe I’ll come back later, maybe I won’t. And I’ve seen what happens too many times – nothing good comes from going over, at least in my experience.

So, here’s some things that are true – even though I might think very sarcastic things back at you if you said them to me at another time.

1. Getting up early on Saturday morning and going to the River Market is worth it. Even though I’m not all about the food, like some folks, it restores my faith in the general goodness of people, and helps me see the natural beauty of where I get to live and the abundance this place can provide. I know I am helping the person I’m handing the money to – supporting their life, really, and enabling them to do what they love to do for a while longer. There are artists, craftsmen, growers, with beautiful food and flowers and jewelry and art. The whole place buzzes. One man was so excited about his arugula that he gave me two new ways to eat it. Another woman told me what to do if my shiitake mushrooms dry out. They are just so excited to share.
2. Cleaning my house can make me feel better. I know, roll your eyes, but it’s true – and I am messy to the core. But seeing that I can do something to even change my immediate surroundings and make them better begins to make me feel like anything is possible.
3. Getting yourself a little treat is a great thing. Cold iced whipped coffee on my way home this morning made me feel like I was special. And we are. We all are. Each of us in our own amazing, spectacular way. I could write a whole ‘nother post about all of the incredible people I know…hey, now there’s an idea…
4. Doing helps more than thinking. When I’m cranky, it doesn’t help to sit and think through it – and try to will myself into a place of feeling better. The action is, so often, what changes the emotion. It’s crazy because it’s so hard to do anything when you feel that way.

I hate it that so much of life is hard, and that I can so easily get stuck in all of it. But I love that God and the people all around me are just as stubborn as I am, that they will keep on until finally they grab me by the shoulders and turn me around so that I can see this world in a different way.